I\u2019ve been binge-thinking, about what it means to be broken.<\/p>\n
Not all personalities binge-think, but mine certainly does. Especially when key aspects of life seem to be operating completely outside my control. When I have no idea what God is bringing next, or who, or where, or when, or how. That\u2019s when I easily fall into this constant mental circle of trying to process options, plans, possibilities\u2026<\/p>\n
It\u2019s when I most ought to bring my brain to a screeching halt and dive down onto my knees \u2014 but it\u2019s also when resting in God comes hardest.<\/p>\n
I chuckled to myself last week, how back in the years of being a pastor\u2019s wife, I worried obsessively how to make ends meet on a slim salary. Back then, I never considered how great a blessing it was to know there would be a precise paycheck arriving the next month. Nothing quite prepares you for the transition to a single parent and carrying the weight on your shoulders alone.<\/p>\n
One good thing about binge-thinking is the epiphanies it brings. Assuming you like epiphanies, I guess. (I do!) Processing through the friendships in my life, I\u2019ve been struck with deep observations about people I know\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2013 some of them are uplifting and encouraging.
\n\u2013 others are judgmental and condemning.
\n\u2013 some consistently find the good.
\n\u2013 others wallow in angst.
\n\u2013 some are pleasant and patient even under stress.
\n\u2013 others are cactus prickles and defense no matter what.<\/p>\n
Which leaves me wondering \u2013 what makes the difference? Is it all just personality? Is it circumstance? Or is it rooted in something else?<\/p>\n
Once, when I was about 18 years old, I remember meeting an elderly speaker who impressed me profoundly. Despite obstacles and challenges and even antagonists, he was kind. Despite trials and frustrations, he was honest. Cheerful. Helpful. And I remember thinking \u201cWhen I am older, I want to marry someone like that! What\u2019s more, I want to\u00a0be someone like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
As I learned more of his story, I realized this man hadn\u2019t become that way by accident. Rather, he had survived excruciating hardship and had allowed life\u2019s trials to carve and sculpt him into someone gentler, kinder, more honest, more caring, more devoted \u2014 as a result. It wasn\u2019t an easy path that led to his endearing qualities, it was a deeply challenging one.<\/p>\n
Which scared my youthful heart a bit\u2026<\/p>\n
If I want to be that kind of person when I\u2019m older, what path will I have to survive before I become her? What trials will threaten to overwhelm me along the way?<\/p>\n
Pondering those moments from nearly 20 years ago, I\u2019ve been hit hard this week with the realization that the difference between those around me who stay positive and those who lash out and cause pain, is simply answered by whether they are operating out of a surrendered heart. What place does Jesus hold in their life?<\/p>\n
And I don\u2019t mean overt displays of religiosity. Some of the most publicly \u201cspiritual\u201d people are toxic behind closed doors. I do mean there\u2019s a tangible difference among people who are\u00a0mutually, brokenly, humbly seeking God\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
The ones who keep running to Jesus\u2026
\nWanting to grow and change, even if the truth is hard to hear.
\nLonging for wholeness enough to wade through the painful communication and stick it through to the other side.
\nWilling to adapt and change and look at situations from the other person\u2019s perspective.<\/p>\n
When we have heart-growth\u00a0as a life goal at any cost<\/a>, our relationships take a very different tone. A tone of grace and gentleness. Of seeking reconciliation and extending an apology.<\/p>\n Because when you\u2019re clearly seeing your own broken, The angst softens. You see yourself in them, and you see them in you. Somehow while you\u2019re discovering these depths of understanding, you simultaneously discover a new backbone to stand your ground against things that cross your boundaries, or endanger the innocent, or devalue whatever calling God has placed on your heart.<\/p>\n You find that the\u00a0spark of determination<\/a>\u00a0in your soul gradually roars into a fire that blazes to consume the nonsense and the mediocrity and the self-preservation.\u00a0Somehow you\u2019re softer than before, but oddly, you\u2019re also more steel.<\/p>\n Less, because you\u2019re not doing it for them. More, because your representation of Jesus to others takes on a whole new meaning. Suddenly it breaks your heart when you\u2019ve broken someone else\u2019s. It also means you have this village, these people, those friends\u2026 the ones who love you enough to speak the truth even when it hurts in the telling. The ones who won\u2019t abandon you no matter how dark your valley. The ones who walk alongside you and enter your pain and revel in your joys \u2013 regardless of their own suffering or success.<\/p>\n And what\u2019s more? That, I believe, pretty much sums up why God wants us to be a church. To be a secondary family, brokenly traveling together as we seek to walk united in the footsteps of Jesus.<\/p>\n Asking how I was\u00a0really<\/em>\u00a0doing. I shared my struggles. And then there are mornings when I startle awake from terrifying nightmares and the sheer weight of responsibility follows me like a cloud.<\/p>\n Days when I physically raise my arms, breathe deeply, and visually push the stress back down to a manageable level. Somewhere lower than the back of my throat.<\/p>\n My friend listened. And then said \u201cI know you feel really alone right now, but you\u2019re not. You have this entire village of friends who care so very much. Your problems are our problems. We aren\u2019t going to let you walk through this alone. We aren\u2019t going anywhere. You. Are. Not. Alone.\u201d<\/p>\n I cried.<\/p>\n I mean, I know I\u2019m not actually alone. But some days, there\u2019s tremendous comfort in having members of this broken, blessed, God-seeking earthly family \u2014 reach out to each other and say it out loud.<\/p>\n We are in this together. The message becomes: This is the reality of brokenness. Reprinted with permission from Sarah’s blog<\/a>.\u00a0You can purchase\u00a0Sarah\u2019s book here:\u00a0ONE FACE: Shed the Mask, Own Your Values, and Lead Wisely<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n Photo by\u00a0Nathan Dumlao<\/a>\u00a0on\u00a0Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve been binge-thinking, about what it means to be broken. Not all personalities binge-think, but mine certainly does. Especially when key aspects of life seem to be operating completely outside my control. When I have no idea what God is bringing next, or who, or where, or when, or how. That\u2019s when I easily fall…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1603,"featured_media":8089,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,2,8],"tags":[],"thb-sponsors":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-8019","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-health","category-lifestyle","category-spiritual-health","post_format-post-format-image"],"acf":[],"views":297,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8019","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1603"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8019"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8019\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8090,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8019\/revisions\/8090"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8089"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8019"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8019"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8019"},{"taxonomy":"thb-sponsors","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/thb-sponsors?post=8019"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=8019"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nand your own growth curve,
\nand you realize that other people around you are bending down to lift you up from your muck,
\nand you\u2019re doing that same thing for even more people\u2026
\nyou lose the bitter edge.<\/p>\n
\nThe harshness drains away and the rigidity flexes.<\/p>\nWhat people think of you matters both less, and more, than it did before.<\/h3>\n
\nYou\u2019re not craving their applause.
\nYou\u2019re not driven by their attention.<\/p>\n
\nYou\u2019re doing life for a higher purpose.
\nYou\u2019re motivated by a deeper calling.<\/p>\n
\nYou\u2019re crushed when you make mistakes that let your values down.<\/p>\n
\nThey let you do the same for them.
\nThey let you in.
\nThey allow you to be present in their souls.
\nEven when it\u2019s not pretty.
\nEven when it\u2019s not put together.
\nEven when they\u2019d rather hide behind a facade of perfection or at least a pretense of normalcy.<\/p>\nTonight, a friend called me.<\/h3>\n
\nAnd instead of laughing it off or deflecting with some funny story about my kids\u2019 antics, I told the truth.<\/p>\n
\nI spilled out my fears.
\nAdmitted there are days when I\u2019m strong and full of faith and confident that \u201cGod\u2019s got this!\u201d<\/p>\n
\nShared ideas.
\nAsked questions.
\nCared.<\/p>\n
\nI have Jesus. I have family.
\nI have the planet\u2019s most incredible and resilient children, who bring me profound joy and happiness daily.<\/p>\n
\nUs and Jesus.<\/p>\n
\nWe do not abandon each other. All burdens are lighter when they are shared, and so, we are here to shoulder yours along the way.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nThis is the face of true soul-full beauty.
\nThis is the family of God as we are meant to be.<\/p>\n
\n