{"id":12789,"date":"2018-12-19T07:17:41","date_gmt":"2018-12-19T15:17:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lifeandhealth.wordifysites.com\/?p=12789"},"modified":"2018-12-19T07:57:31","modified_gmt":"2018-12-19T15:57:31","slug":"what-will-you-seek-in-2019-pleasure-or-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/mindfulness\/emotional-health\/what-will-you-seek-in-2019-pleasure-or-happiness\/0712789.html","title":{"rendered":"What Will You Seek In 2019? Pleasure Or Happiness?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cMay you have a pleasurable New Year.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

That got your attention. It doesn\u2019t quite sound right, does it? Why do we say, \u201cHave a happy New Year\u201d instead of, \u201cHave a pleasurable New Year\u201d? Or, why do we say, \u201cHope you\u2019re happy,\u201d instead of saying, \u201cHope you find pleasure\u201d?<\/p>\n

Pleasure versus happiness<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Oftentimes, words have meanings far deeper than you realize. This is especially relevant during the holiday season. You might be wondering where this is all going. I promise I\u2019ll get to the point, so bear with me. The other day, I was thinking about the difference between the ideas surrounding the words \u201chappiness\u201d and \u201cpleasure.\u201d The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines each as:<\/p>\n

Happiness:<\/em> A state of well-being and contentment<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Pleasure:<\/em> Desire, inclination, <\/em>a state of gratification<\/em>, s<\/em>ensual gratification<\/em>, <\/em>frivolous amusement<\/em>, <\/em>a source of delight or <\/em><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s look at some examples:<\/p>\n

Thanksgiving<\/strong>: The pleasure<\/em> is in the food, but the happiness<\/em> is in the gratitude and the time spent with family.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Christmas<\/strong>: The pleasure<\/em> is in getting the gifts, but the happiness<\/em> is in giving and, once again, in being with family. Think about it. Most of us adults can buy whatever we want at any time of the year. So what\u2019s the big deal about getting a gift? Gifts are often a pain. You have to sort them, write down a thank you list, dispose of the tons of wrapping paper \u2013 and my favorite part \u2013 you have to deal with returning half the gifts!<\/p>\n

New Year\u2019s<\/strong>: The pleasure<\/em> is in going out and trying to have an exciting time. You could find pleasure in watching the ball drop in Times Square, you could stay up late and play games \u2018til dawn, etc. The happiness<\/em> is found in reflecting on the memories you\u2019ve stored over the past year with your family and friends.<\/p>\n

So then, what\u2019s the difference between pleasure and happiness?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Pleasure is a feeling.
\nHappiness is a state of mind.<\/p>\n

Pleasure is fleeting.
\nHappiness persists.<\/p>\n

Pleasure is cheap and needs to be repeated to have the same effect.
\nHappiness takes investment and lasts a long time.<\/p>\n

Sex is pleasure.
\nA great marriage is happiness.<\/p>\n

Ice cream is pleasure.
\nBeing healthy is happiness.<\/p>\n

Making money, closing a big deal, and getting promoted are all pleasure.
\nDoing something meaningful is happiness.<\/p>\n

Both pleasure and happiness are located in different parts in the mind<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Pleasure is reflexive. It originates in the area of the brain that is often called primitive<\/em>\u2014the midbrain. A lot of the stimuli and reflexes occur before they get sent up for higher processing.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, higher thought, decision-making, and happiness<\/em> all come from the frontal lobe. This is the area of the brain that is the most different from humans and other mammals, even primates. Why is our frontal lobe so much more developed? Well, we were built to do more than simply react. We were made not only to live by instincts, but to think, decide, choose, and seek happiness.<\/p>\n

How can we apply the idea of \u201cchoosing and seeking happiness\u201d to our lives?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Well, one way is to put time and effort into something important to you. This is called commitment<\/em>. When you commit to something, it becomes more meaningful to you because you\u2019ve invested in it. And, with your investment, you\u2019ve designated value to it.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve heard the idea of, \u201cyou get what you put into it,\u201d right? It\u2019s true. Here are some examples.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Running: <\/strong>Have you ever trained for a race? Let\u2019s take a marathon for example. You might train for four or five months in order to build up to running 26.2 miles. It\u2019s a big accomplishment. The feeling that people have after finishing a marathon is happiness<\/em> even though, physically, they feel totally miserable. The happiness experienced after accomplishing so physically and mentally demanding is something the runner will always remember \u2013 and it happens to be the opposite of pleasure.\u00a0Because, remember, pleasure is fleeting. It\u2019s not associated with pain. It doesn\u2019t like effort.<\/p>\n

Friendship<\/strong>: Why do some people remain friends for their entire lives, and why do others drift apart even if they were once the best of friends? Commitment. Time. Effort. Friendship isn\u2019t only about the fun times (i.e. pleasure), but also about being vulnerable, being there for the other, and allowing your friend to help you. It\u2019s true that friendships often start out with fun and pleasure, but close, lasting friendships develop over time and with sharing. Deep relationships develop once you allow yourself to be vulnerable with your friend, which takes trust, which typically only comes with time. Once again, you have to invest and commit. Pleasure may take shape as a great ski trip, but real friendship often comes from deep conversation. Talking isn\u2019t always the most exciting activity\u00a0or associated with pleasure, but it\u2019s tremendously important for happiness.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Marriage:<\/strong> At first, you choose your dates and then your spouse based on how they look, and how they make you feel. Do they laugh at your jokes? Do they admire you and stroke your ego?<\/em> But looks fade. Life happens, and you have to start sharing a lot<\/em> of work. (See section below.) Sex becomes less frequent.<\/p>\n

My advice? Choose wisely but commit no matter what. If you\u2019re always thinking about how you made the wrong choice, about how you wish you had married girlfriend number-whatever, or worse yet, you\u2019ve begun looking for a replacement, I assure you that you will never be happy, and you will definitely not have a meaningful relationship. If, on the other hand, you decide to invest in your spouse, then support them, and you will see how they, in turn, will support you. As you support each other, you will grow together, and then hopefully you will grow old together. One of the happiest and most secure feelings you can have is to know that you have someone special just to yourself for an entire lifetime.<\/p>\n

Children: <\/strong>For those of you that have children, how did you feel when they graduated from eighth grade? High school? College? Professional school? I bet you felt proud. I bet you felt happy. Did you feel that way during the sleepless nights? During all the fights throughout their teenage years? During all the arguments over homework and their boyfriend or girlfriend? People most often say the most meaningful, most important, and the happiest component of their entire lives are their children, and they mean it, even though the years of work wouldn\u2019t even come close to being described as \u201cpleasurable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mentorship: <\/strong>Have you ever mentored someone in school, sports, music, or life? Have you ever been a Big Brother or a Big Sister? This requires a huge commitment, but also comes with a huge reward. The reward doesn\u2019t come quickly and it doesn\u2019t come easily, but when it does, it\u2019s worth all the pain. Once again, pleasure is rarely associated with obtaining long-term happiness.<\/p>\n

My point is this: Don\u2019t chase pleasure.<\/h3>\n

To live your life chasing pleasure is like acting like a drug addict. Deliberately choose\u2014using your frontal lobe\u2014happiness. To do that, you have to be willing to take the time and effort to commit to whatever you decide is important. Spouse, kids, church, health, etc. When you do this, you will<\/em> find meaning, contentment, and most importantly, happiness. The holidays are a perfect time to reflect and plan out how you can be happier.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cMay you have a pleasurable New Year.\u201d That got your attention. It doesn\u2019t quite sound right, does it? Why do we say, \u201cHave a happy New Year\u201d instead of, \u201cHave a pleasurable New Year\u201d? Or, why do we say, \u201cHope you\u2019re happy,\u201d instead of saying, \u201cHope you find pleasure\u201d? Pleasure versus happiness Oftentimes, words have…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":12791,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,561],"tags":[200,324],"thb-sponsors":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-12789","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-health","category-mindfulness","tag-emotional-health-2","tag-happiness","post_format-post-format-image"],"acf":[],"views":810,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12789","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12789"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12789\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12797,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12789\/revisions\/12797"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12791"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12789"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12789"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12789"},{"taxonomy":"thb-sponsors","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/thb-sponsors?post=12789"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeandhealth.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=12789"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}